Reasons Why Bono is a Vampire

{ a post dedicated to Mallorie Anne Mecham }

a. The sunglasses. Have you ever seen Bono without his infamous shades on? Whether they be casual black, cornflower blue or eye-catching yellow, they are always on his face. I'm quite sure most of us would not even recognize him were they absent. Why would a normal person need sunglasses on 24/7? They wouldn't. He claims to have 'extra sensitivity to the light'... mmmhm. Vampire eyes always do.
b. The leather attire. Along with his ever-present spectacles, Bono is almost always wearing a leather jacket with matching leather pants. And yes, I know that leather articles are key pieces to a rockstar's wardrobe. But normal rockstars will switch it up with a skinny jean or simple t-shirt when the temperatures are high, or performing amidst hot hot stage lighting. Not Bono though, dear reader. Oh no, he needs the extra heat from the leather to warm up his ice-cold vampire skin. Especially when he has meet-and-greet's with his adoring fans. Were it not for that temp-rising leather, people would have figured out his secret a long time ago.
c. The fact that Bono hasn't aged since I first heard about him back in 1998. Fountain of youth? Maybe. Vampire? More likely.
d. He owns a friggin' castle. A castle! There never was a more perfect home setting for a vampire than a castle. They're dark and ominous, they have plenty of secret passage ways (perfect for hiding your coffin) and you can't just waltz up to a castle to see who lives there. Plus, how would you even go about obtaining a castle these days? He probably just ate the lord who used to live there for dinner a few decades ago.
e. His odd requests during the tour at the U. Bono was given our Crimson Club room to wait in before he performed on Tuesday. Apparently, he had all of the furniture removed and replaced with a personal Victorian set flown in. It seems a little bizarre to me that a man's decorating taste would be the Victorian style. Unless of course, that happened to be the era you were "created" in. Also, Bono personally requested that all of the lights and television sets be turned off in The Tower before he appeared on stage. The goal? Total darkness. Don't worry Bono, we get you.
f. On top of his incriminating castle, Bono also owns a hotel. I know, dear reader, that doesn't seem like it has anything to do with being a vampire. Until you look at it like this: a hotel is the perfect way to have access to a bunch of people at once when one is hungry and feasts on unsuspecting humans. And you know people are constantly staying at the hotel, since hello! Bono owns it! All one has to do is wait until night then creep silently into his own hotel and pick a room from his personal buffet. Creepy.

I know all rockstars have quirks that make them a little strange. Heck, even normal people have oddities. But when you pile up all this evidence... doesn't it seem like, maybe, just maybe... Bono is a vampire? Be that as it may, I would still let Bono suck the life out of me because he is literally the coolest person alive... or dead.



note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAL !!! I love you dearly and am SO happy I get to call you my friend <3 XOXO